Do you actually need the answer ?

“What next?” that’s what Aakash asked himself when one fine day he was a bit high on three pints of beer.

Aakash is a software engineer, who has graduated from a reputed college two years back and is working for an MNC in Bangalore. All through his life, he has been a part of, rather a top contender of, the race that never seems to end. It’s a race of survival, it’s a race towards acceptance, it’s a race to meet expectations and it has, no finish line. Aakash has done well in life so far, he was a top rated student, he is one of the outstanding performers in job, and everyone seem to be satisfied with him. Everyone, except Aakash. There is a question which he has answered many a times, and yet he faces the trouble of answering the same question again and again. The question is – What next?  He had, many a times heard his inner voice cry out to him, saying it doesn’t want to bear the pressure of “What next” anymore. Today sitting in the balcony of his two room apartment, on the 9^th floor, with a Carlsberg in his hand, at around 1 AM, Aakash has asked himself the same question again. However, today the difference is, that he isn’t actually looking for an answer. Today he is looking at the question itself. Today, he wants to know if it is the right thing for him to ask the same question over and over again.

Another sip of beer and Aakash felt asleep in the cool breeze under the moonlight in the balcony itself. That night he had a dream. He dreamt of a stage where there were no audience. He saw himself, walking to the podium through a dark passage. The passage, as it approached the stage, lit up with bright lights and soon he stood there in a huge empty auditorium under flood lights. A shrill of joy passed through his body. He could feel his smile growing bigger and bigger. He sensed for the first time, how satisfaction actually felt. He felt for the first time, how it felt to tell yourselves that you have nothing more to prove. That night, the guy who was on that stage did not have questions on his mind, he did not have answers to look for, and all he could feel was the joy of being there.

Next morning when Aakash woke up, he still didn’t have the answer to his question of what next, but the difference was, that he wasn’t actually looking for that answer anymore. He went to work that day with a grin on his face. He went through his daily chore without thinking about what next.

That dream he had, didn’t unveil any mysteries, it just filled a gap in his mind and today he could enjoy all that was there in his life. The dream he saw existed in his subconscious mind, but it was just too clouded by doubts and questions for him to see. The dream, is all he needed to know that his future is not a pre-written book, it’s a canvas. The dream, is all he needed to understand that aspirations define the man who carries them, they do not bog him down. The question of what next still persisted, but, it wasn’t a hammer on the head anymore, it was just a question unanswered.

Scripting the END

Some things are never needed to be said but still its good to say them anyways... So here's some of that stuff.

Being “us” has been so obvious for the past four and a half years, that some part of the heart doesn’t want to move on… even if it is moving on to IIM A. I entered NITH without knowing what to expect, yes there was the projection of college as presented by movies. What I have got is way better than a scripted story, way above any Jai Veeru legend. Perfection is something that each one of us is far-far distant from, but the desire to stay bonded in our imperfect forms doesn’t come from any need or from any motive, it comes from the unsaid connection, from the feeling of belongingness that we share. And now, for all practical reasons, when I think that life won’t be same ever again, I already sense that void inside me…

As a matter of fact there is some part of you all that shall always prevail inside me forever. I should actually thank each one of you individually here for everything that I have soaked from you. To quote, having a clear vision about what’s happening in my life and how I would want things to happen is something that I am still in the process of absorbing from Deepak. To be able to live the present to the fullest is something that Saransh has mastered and that is something that if I can do, I know I will be someone more fun to be around. Nishant, is more like myself minus the temper… well although that is something I should really-really change, but as a matter of fact I haven’t even started trying…. May be when I find myself stranded alone in the future, I might tone things down…. Well some things are supposed to be learned the hard way, so be it. I think I am a hard worker, but let’s face it, I have received enough motivation time to time in the form of concrete results to keep me motivated… but to be able to keep pushing even when tides refuse to turn your way, Shobit, when my time comes, all I’ll do is think of you J. Shubhayu, everybody needs a joey in life, someone who can be genuinely cute and refreshing even at the worst times. I’ll always miss just tugging on to your voluptuous self for no reason. Then there have been a few new addition, transforming Panchayat to Dil Dosti etc. Nitesh, although not a new addition to my life, but still at least to the gang … well one thing I know for sure is that if ever I would need something from you… I won’t have to ask for it. I hope and wish I can be the same for all of you, always. Aneesha, should be credited with bringing the fizz in our group. We all care a lot for each other but at times can be a bit miser in showing that… well that’s not for her. May be you are the much required topping on our otherwise well baked group. And a few words for my Semi too … not knowing what to do, but still being prepared to do anything for the friend … Nitin, may be some day I will be able reciprocate that.

Lots of take aways, and a promise to embed these traits of yours in myself… Hopefully a few years down the line when we meet, you will find all of the above in me.

Thought of the end dooming upon me has left trails of tears in my eyes in the past few days. The moment gives me an opportunity to reflect upon “being us”. The best part being that we never needed to be anything but us amongst ourselves. The ease with which we all have always shrugged off any grudges, itself highlights the weight and value of the emotions that bind us. There is a thin line between being friends and being family, and I would say we have moved across that line. So definitely distance won’t be able to spoil what we share amongst us.

For now this blog is just to say the unsaid....

I don’t know how I’ll be able to manage life without you guys. I don’t know if I’ll be able to forge a similar relationship with anyone ever again. I simply don't know what to expect from my personal life upfront, coz everything and anything i get will always be relatively less than what i have today. I just dream of a Bollywood like end for our story and hope all our roads converge again at some point. May all of you reach the pinnacle of happiness in your lives.

Lots of love ... sb

My side of THE DAY

Ball Room, Country Inn, Gurgaon. (Venue for IIM A interview, 2013)

30 odd people had assembled to knock on the door of the castle every one of them had fantasized conquering. Each one prepared in his own different way to lure the two guards to provide a passage.

Well sorry if you found that too dramatic, let’s just say, I got carried away, and for every reasons I am allowed to………… at least today. It all began in August 2010, with the dream to be able to live this day. Today wasn’t my first interview, so I know what nervousness before a critical interview is. This feeling wasn’t the same. There wasn’t the sense insecurity of not knowing an answer, there wasn’t the fear of screwing up my chances, and there wasn’t the burning desire to prove myself. All I felt was the need to do justice to this auspicious call. All I wanted to do today was to be presentable at that stage. There was this need to be able to belong at that threshold.

WAT happened. Always my stronghold; betrayed me at the most paramount occasion. Agreed that writing is a skill based on perception, what is good for me may not be good enough for someone else and vice-verse. Writing is more like the other forms of art…may be painting or carving sculptures…. If the creator is not satisfied, no amount of praise can turn the creation into perfection. 10 minutes of time and limited space do not provide the liberty of going back. I couldn’t convince myself with the essay I had written, what to expect from the evaluators. Time shall tell….

WAT done and dusted, next came the WAIT. Being third last member of my panel, I had a good 2 hours of time to kill. Girls had formed a small coterie of theirs and for some very strange reason they seemed to be interested in every person’s profile who walked out of the interview room. Guys were sitting on the other side of the room, and again strangely enough, not a single person was interested in knowing what’s being asked in the PIs. I generally make two three friends during my interviews and we kill time by knowing about each other, although no one is interested in each other, everyone just doesn’t have anything better to do. But today was a different scenario. I tried to spark a conversation with a few people but everyone seemed to be in their own different world. Well, must be the Ahmedabad effect.

Finally my turn to embrace the occasion came.  Interview was good.  I am usually a confident person, as far as facing interviews are concerned, but today I faked confidence. I am a believer in being natural in an interview, but today i weighed every word that came out of my mouth. And FYI I did well in that…. ;)
25 odd minutes passed by and it all came to an end.

Verdict is awaited, but strangely enough, I don’t seem to care much about it. All I care about right now is that I justified my call by matching the set standards(i mean by sensibly handling the questions). Surely I need to ask myself if MBA was ever the aim or was it all about getting the most coveted call. That remains to be introspected and answered… but some other day. Today the moment is still alive and I am still in awe.

Sb

P.S. For people expecting an account of the interview, guys pagal guy is the site :P

P.P.S.  VERDICT CONVERTED :D:D:D:D:D:D:D

The Achievement

What Inkaar presented was a face off between professional aspirations and conscience of two highly ambitious people, who on one hand wanted to be at the zeniths height in their professional life and on the other hand demanded a simple, sweet and cozy relationship based on mutual admiration, just like every other couple.

I am not trying to write a review for the movie here, but the context of the movie just happened to raise a questions many of us at this stage of lives ask ourselves but often let it go unanswered .... when personal life and professional life happen to meet at a crossroad, is it possible for both to walk hand to hand. Or is it really worth it to be the best in one face of your life only at the cost of ruining the other ? My answer here is a big NO. My friends with big dreams of conquering the world would call me a coward who is not abreast with realities associated with achieveing something big in life. But when i ask myself, if i am willing to mortgage my mental peace, my spirit of living, my joy of achievement and a lot more, for the sake of achieving.......i see no point.

It is important for every young man to have goals in life. It is even more important to have figured out a path to achieve those goals. But what is most important , is to know that life is not one dimensional. There are numerous faces which need to walk hand in hand.

India is proud of its highly competitive youth, who happen to be the most seeked after in the world market. We also happen to be proud of the fact that we are front runners in the race towards being a capitalistic economy... like US. However parallely we happen to be running towards more frustration, depression, broken marraiges, nuclear families.... needless to say just like the US.

Measuring achievement in terms of one parameter is actually undermining the term "achievement". I'll be successful if I am able to own up to every responsibility of mine.... which includes personal,family, social, national and global duties not only in monetary terms but also in terms of my actions, my time, my presence, my opinion and a lot more. I'll be successful if i can one day look back at my life and proudly say, that i lived up to everybody's expectations (including mine :)).
So, it's time to ponder over your definition of Achievement ...!!

Living the dream: The French weekend

At times its not only about seeing a place its more about feeling a place... and thats what Paris was all about!!
Okay a enough of abouts... the faith on petite German population back fired as we didn't get a reservation on th train for Paris (not to forget we actually went for the reservation one day before our journey)and ironically my dream of visiting Switzerland came true. To reach Paris we had to take a detour via Basel(Switzerland). The next thing was that we missed our free tour by a few minutes. But as it turned out people who managed to take the free tour were cursing themselves for getting stuck with something so boring. After all we are young people trying to have some fun.... all we care about is clicking gorgeous pics and seeing everything that we can in the limited time we have at hand... who cares which duke build up what and when did he die and of what problems...the fact aside the louvre museum did cast it's spell on even freaks like us. The sculptures, paintings and the articles engrossed everyones attention and we were no exception here.Mona Lisa is famous so evryone wanted to see that but i am at a loss to explain why the other masterpices have gone unnoticed.. these french people knew art in the best way in the world, not to forget every sculpture and almost every painting was nude... but thats french style for you. Four hours and we realized that it would take the entire day to see everything in the museum so we gave up... actually my legs gave up. The worst part of our minimum budget trips is that we can't take any guided tours on buses or anything so firstly we have to cover all the attractions on foot and then we often go the wrong direction to double up our troubles.
Notre Dam.... well something that made me look stupid... i actually didn't know it was a church and when friends told me that this is notre dam i was like... 'DAM'mm its a church. But again the carvings and the mind blowing architecture... hats off. The grand palace was again a perfect representation of the french architecture and then there was a place called Port de Itella (something like that) which had a science museum.... the engineer inside us proplled us to take the long journey to the extreme corner of the city to see the place which, being modest, was a huge dissappointment.
The next stop was of course the star attraction.. Eiffel Tower. The glittering tower and the cold fountains in the backdrop left us all amazed.Navam and Gagan joined us here. Familiar faces in unfamiliar terretory, it was a different re-union.
The night cruise was something i personally enjoyed a lot, however can't say the same for the others with me....


Subways, the old grumbling trains and the underground travel,black people (strongly built) staring at you, the violin being played at some corner, the lady with the guitar, couples kissing on the bridges, the magnificient architecture,the flamboyant paintings and sculptures, the not so organised outskirts, the omnipresent river siene..... truely there was a gush of some strange emotions inside me, something i had never felt before.


Keeping a track of time and going as per some plan has never been our thing so as it turned out... we had a great day and even better evening and at 12 in the night we had no clue where to go.
I had heard of some gurudwara in the outskirts of paris so we headed for that place but you can't expect anybody to be up for you at 1 am. So it again turned into another freezing night at the station. How-ever at 4 am in the morning when we went inside the gurudwara seeing the lovely treatment metted out to us, the respect for Sikhism that i had has surged many folds..
Humanity can be a synonym for sikhism. The wonderful breakfast the cozy beds and above all the warm behaviour of those people is something i'll remenber forever in my life.

The next day it was first of all a two hour long queue for scaling the Eiffel tower and then the astonishing view of this artistic town from a height of 324 metres.. wow now i knew why people find paris so romantic.Then there were many notable monuments including the white church and the largest palace... Versailles we visited but what attracted my attention the most were the streets and the musical atmosphere, the lively people.. a completely different world it is :)
On our way back we had a stop-over at Stuttgart where we got to find out everything about mercedes-benz... right from the discovery of the combustion engine to latest model that is to hit the streets soon..
Won't extend this very long but all the car lovers know how it feels to be amongst the most vintage vehicles of all and then descending into all the latest wheels on road.. had a nice time but three days on the continuity and the tired bodies got the better of our never daunted enthusiasm this time and we decided to skip the porche museum... some other day may be

This wonderful time in europe has really helped me discover the traveller with vivid tastes inside me.... hope i can keep it the same way throughout now!!
sb